Angst and Despair! :(

So, here we are, 10 days from the end. I'm only at 20,000 words.

I'm also bored, frustrated, and ready to quit. Let's just be honest.

I am taking heart that as of 11/26 last year, I had only just crossed the 30K mark. So if I can pull off 10,000 words between now and Tuesday, at least I'll be in the same place. I still believe I can do it, though I'm woefully behind.

But honestly? Today I realized that my story, as it is, quite simply... sucks. If I'm taking anything away from NaNoWriMo this year, it's that there's a reason they say to start with a completely new story. I think basing my novel on something that previously existed has lifted my expectations way too high. "This is great!" I thought. "By the time I'm done, I'll have this beautiful touching story that will be ready for the world with a little revision."

Um. Nope. :) But it's pretty humbling actually.

On the ride home from work, I had a few plot epiphanies (mostly that... um... I still don't have a plot, but 20,000 words of aimless slush?) but at this point, I'm not sure how to make my ideas work without starting over. But hey, the Inner Editor just needs to shut up and let me plunge forward, right?

Sure.

So! Enough whining... I have a few goals for tonight's session:

1. Get to the halfway point, or at least as close as possible. 4,000 words is a lot to do in one night, but it's possible. It's a Friday. Who needs sleep? :)
2. Switch to third person. I'm finding that first person perspective just isn't my thing. It's so restrictive, my character has lost his quirky voice and just has a bad case of Bella Syndrome.* Perhaps if I just write outside his head, maybe the story and the whole cast can breathe.
3. Just take the new plot, jump in, and roll with it. I may write a separate post about the new story concept.
4. Have fun! Try to find the joy in the writing again. Lately, sitting down to write has felt like drudgery, and that's not what NaNoWriMo is about!

I can do this. Really. *deep breath* I start after dinner.

Also... a hearty congrats to my new NaNo friend Emily who has completed her first ever NaNo marathon! She finished her 50,000 words on the 15th. I hate her. :D (No, not really. Congrats! You're inspiring me.)

Onward!

------

* Bella Syndrome - when a story is told in first person by a character so self-centered, angsty, whiny, and needy (like the author of this blog?) that the protagonist one is supposed to love becomes a person one wants to punch in the face. I don't need to tell you who Bella is, right?

10K Happy Dance!

I just broke 10,000 words. Huzzah!

It was supposed to be 16,000+ today, but whatever. Who cares what the NaNoWriMo calendar on my desktop says. :P

I have no clue what I'm doing at this point. Wrote a chapter from Neil's perspective, a chapter from Shanna's. I don't know if I like this switching back and forth thing, but it was a chance to follow her around at work and see what's going on there. Still wrestling with first person perspective.

So yeah. I don't know what happens next. I hope my characters do. My abnormal work week has left me too exhausted to devote much brain energy to this.

One day... I'll learn how to plan and outline in October. :)

***

And now... an excerpt! Shanna is a cashier in a restaurant that's sorta-loosely based on the place my mom works. (Book Lady is kind of real. :)) And the Blink 182 reference? They were mentioned earlier in this chapter. A wonderful friend gave me a mix CD with a lot of their stuff last week, so I had them in my head when I started. It sounds exactly like the sort of thing Shanna's other kid brother would listen to. (and that Shann would secretly dig :P)

Yep. When in doubt, borrow from life. Um yeah. Here's the end of the chapter.

***

Book Lady finally came up with her ticket in hand. As I rung her up, we made the usual small talk:

“How are you?”

“Just fine. And you?”

“Oh, doing great!”

She paused for a second as I handed her change over. And she looked at me. Not the quick “thanks-have-a-nice-day” eye contact that comes and goes… but a probing sort of look. Like she tried to read me the way she read the pulp fiction paperback in her purse.

Then she smiled, and said, “Have a nice day, sweetie.”

“You too. See you tomorrow?”

“Of course!”

She left. I realized I really didn’t even know her name, even though she came every day. And she probably didn’t know mine.

But for a moment… for the briefest of moments, she looked at me as if she did. As if she knew something I didn’t. Something no one else knew.

Weird.

I leaned on the counter to wait for my next customer, twirling the ends of my ponytail in my fingers, and humming one of Jon’s stupid Blink 182 songs.

The gnawing in my stomach was pretty much gone by then.